I’m ready to share my journey with you – My Why, My Story
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My life’s journey has been from total psychic invalidation and shutdown to becoming a professional astrologer, using my gifts of vision and psychic insight daily. If you choose to work with me, I believe it’s important that you know who I am.
So, here’s my story.
Many people who now identify as lightworkers, healers, and energy workers were not given safe opportunities as children to be fully expressed. I was one of them. I hid things well and was deeply conditioned. You might relate to some of what I share. We all have different, valid stories. Here’s mine.
As a child, I had a huge range of clairvoyant and clairaudient activity. This was normal for me, until I tried to talk about it. Then, I was shut down, because “only crazy people see and hear things that aren’t there”, and “nobody wants your hocus pocus.”
So that was that then.
My parents loved me dearly, and I loved them, but they were not able to hold or accept all that I had to say. This invalidated parts of me.
For me, clairvoyance is as natural as breathing. My gift is an essential part of who I am. Imagine being told you have no legs while your legs are right there. Well my visions were right there. I grew up very confused. My clairvoyant and clairaudient parts were rejected. I split off from them.
My visions were either unwanted, unseen, invalidated, unloved, or called crazy.
Meanwhile, my gifts were still right there, only totally unsupported. I thought there was something wrong with me.
By the age of nine, I was hiding a huge range of spirit activity: souls from other times, ascended masters, blue beings in the sky, my relatives on the other side, other people’s relatives on the other side, famous authors (the Brontes). My way of seeing the world seemed weird and scary, and I didn’t want to scare or horrify other people. I didn’t want to be bad. Maybe I’d got something wrong.
I hid it all and questioned myself over and over. Invalidated child lightworkers develop hypervigilance, living in a state of cognitive dissonance and psychological stress. We put a tonne of effort into being what we perceive others want while having almost no idea what is actually safe to say, where, and when. We laugh off being the “weirdo,” but it’s not funny to live like this. Many of us struggle to speak up about anything at all, keeping on smiling and always trying to help and heal others.
Whatever we go through in life, we need safe witness and support. Sadly, the absence of a safe witness leads to poor future outcomes. Invalidated child lightworkers are more at risk of future abuse, bullying, and attack.
So, despite my parents, school, and church thinking they’d done a fantastic job, I was actually a magnet for future abuse. I was hiding suppressed rage in church, constantly feeling unseen, unmet, unfulfilled, bored by non-meaningful dialogue, daydreaming a lot, constantly wondering why other people didn’t see the world the way I did. I felt alone in the company of others because no one talked about all the things my heart ached to say and hear.
And yet, I was also very lucky: blessed with love, opportunities, friends, and family. This made it hard to detect what was wrong. But I always felt something was just not right: the ever-present sadness of not being fully me. It’s subtle, it’s insidious, woven through everyday life. Perhaps you relate.
In my late teens, I lost four family members in the space of three years. In the middle of it, I experienced my first true heartbreak. With all that grief, I thought life had dealt me its worst blows.
How wrong I was.
With my defences down, I was now like a sitting duck for what came next, only I didn’t know it. So by now you know I was hiding A LOT. What didn’t make sense until years later was that I was now a magnet for a partner who was also hiding a lot. We made a vibrational match on the depth of the secrets we were keeping. The extent to which we’d shut off from essential parts of ourselves.
But what do you think he was hiding? The fact that he could see Mother Mary and the Brontes? Unlikely.
Who knows what another is hiding? Perhaps he had split off from criminal acts, psychopathy, deep, disturbing, dark personality traits. His surface level personality sure different to what was lurking underneath.
But then… so was mine.
What I went through included sexual violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, stalking, threats, blackmail, manipulation, lies and coercion. This happened at work, causing problems with authority figures, workplaces, and money: because he gave me a raise to shut me up. All of it bundled up together.
But much more than that: when a clairvoyant is attacked, she sees beyond the 3D of what happened. I was in stupefied horror at what I’d seen take place.
I’d been coached my whole life to believe that no one would believe me if I spoke up about my truthful experiences. This was a whole other level. I was in shock and terror. I knew no one would believe what I had to say, and I was right on the edge with my life hanging in the balance.
So I did what I always did – processed it alone. It was too much.
Now, I had depression, anxiety, and struggled to put one foot in front of the other. My mind had gone. I had to change jobs. He still found me at new houses and workplaces. I was too scared to seek help because the people around me said that only “weak” people go for counselling. And I didn’t want to be weak as well as feeling like a failure.
I spent the next ten years wondering how other women went to work and didn’t get raped. Now life wasn’t just a mystery. It was terrifying.
I shut down all intuition just to survive in this world. Humans can endure and sustain an awful lot. I became a qualified teacher, wife, and mother like this. I still suffered from depression and anxiety. I imagined I must be the weak and unworthy person that society told me I was. I mostly pretended I was fine. I found happiness in helping others during times I was unable to even look at myself at all.
Then came my awakening: opening my third eye again, allowing it all in, choosing myself. Choosing truth. There was so much unravelling to do. What I didn’t anticipate was the price I would pay for leaving my marriage. Now I became the target of parental alienation, more lies. I was hauled over the coals, investigated, and forced to defend myself over a seven-year court battle.
The whole thing was insane. I was investigated for things I wasn’t doing. And you can’t stop doing things you’re not doing anyway. Eventually I saw I wasn’t the crazy one: that society itself was a disempowered, psychotic mess that allows narcissism and psychosis to run rampant and enable the child abuse it’s design to safeguard.
I had to unravel the whole damn lot at once. Little me fit to burst versus the patriarchy. Luckily an army of spirit guides arrived and of course, I could see and hear them!
I sought out every therapy and healing technique I could imagine. My haters bled every resource dry. Every resource except for love. They could not destroy love, hope, faith, and truth, so I dug deeper into those things. I went deep diving inside of myself.
All these experiences are why I go first in opening dialogue, raw and real, on all the things we’re not supposed to say, because I know the extent of what I went through and there are millions more besides with horror stories to tell happening behind closed doors, being made to feel like they don’t belong. I’m here to say you do – but you must also do your part to be honest and real.
I won’t stand for gaslighting. I won’t stand for the suppression of truthful voices. And I won’t stand for abuse in all its forms.
I had to dismantle historic abuse and unpick my childhood memories, all while taking on the UK family court system so I could continue to see my own children, the ones who came from my very womb. It was horrendous, but somehow I kept going. I rested, did what I could to heal, and got back up. I found an unwavering connection with the light of the most high, and a powerful deep sacred feminine rage that burnt through distortions.
Love is the driving force of this universe. It is the fuel that sustains all life, drives the creative process and protects all that is holy. Along the way, I stopped to write my whole story.
I didn’t know why, or who would ever read it, I just knew I had to.
To my astonishment, the abundance of clairvoyant and clairaudient experiences I had as a child, began to COME TRUE and make sense. Now I could trust myself. Now I could own my psychic gifts. Now I pursued my dream of becoming an Astrologer.
Now I use my psychic intuitive gifts every day. After 5 solid years of this, I have plenty of feedback to validate the value of my gifts. I’ve learnt to balance my intuition with cognitive clarity.
I knew I already had the knowledge I’d learnt and practised for many years, and now I was shown I had sufficient psychic skills to serve a new generation of awakening people, others who would need guidance and clarification to keep them on course for their unique true life path ahead.
The more readings I gave, the more courses I ran, the more gifts I developed and the more I practised and honed them. I can completely trust the visionary intuitive material I receive because I practise daily and clients tell me I am seeing their soul. I continue to see the higher souls from other “times” who I am able to communicate with and this forms another part of my sacred work and multidimensional contact.
I believe many people carry enormous, wondrous gifts. Maybe you’re one of them. Sometimes life’s journey can feel heavy, hard & big. And if that’s you, it’s okay. I see you, I feel you. It’s more important to pay attention to your own truth than listen to others telling you you’re blocked or to “heal faster”. Don’t imitate or compete. Seek out old souls who will truly SEE and support you. Shadow work can feel relentless. Do it anyway.
We’re not all carrying the same volume of trauma, ultimate purpose nor awareness. Our paths are unique, not homogenised. Our healing journey and soul’s trajectory are likewise unique. Seek out the souls who will meet you where you are.
What if I told you your brightest gifts lie in the parts you’ve learnt to shame the most? And your greatest treasure is found when diving into the mud?
Thing is, little girls grow up into big girls. And beyond that into empowered women who empower others. We break old patterns, and complete cycles. Often it takes a lot of time. That’s okay. If you think there’s a race, you’ve already lost it.
We own our sacred rage & stand strong against the forces of control, manipulation, distortion, competition, hatred and lies. And we don’t stop. We speak up. We dare use our gifts and brainpower together.
We go out and change the world in whatever way we can. The smallest acts of love, courage & truth matter deeply. You matter deeply. You in your whole truth. I want to thank you for reading this.
However you encounter me – astrology, group work, teaching, writing or through friendship, thank you for seeing me in my wholeness.
It’s where I want to meet you too.
Rachel xxx